“And let her know her days have meaning.” This was part of Keith’s prayer this morning that had a big impact on how I’ve perceived the rest of my day.
You wouldn’t normally find us having a peaceful moment of prayer at our dining room table. By 7am we’re usually breaking up toy arguments and filling drink, food, and Veggie Tales orders. But this morning was different. David was having a sleepover with my parents, and Jonathan miraculously slept in. Thankfully, we took advantage of the silence and went to God together. As we prayed for our family, our church, and Keith’s work; the words “and let her know her days have meaning” were spoken. He didn’t know it, but those words were so needed.
We all have different life experiences and some of my past and some of my own selfishness has made it difficult to rest in my role as mother, but God is good and I believe He will take my weaknesses and use them for His glory!
At times I’ve felt like I was in the movie Groundhog Day. I quit working 2 years ago to stay home after having my 2nd baby, and my days mostly felt monotonous and unimportant to the rest of society. Who was I now that I didn’t have a career? Who was I now that I could wear the same outfit for 2 days and nobody (except for Keith) would know? What I thought was going to be endless amounts of freedom and memories made with my kids became an unexpected hell. I absolutely was depressed. I was trying to recalibrate and adjust to this new life of stay-at-home motherhood and I couldn’t. It’s only been in the last month that I’ve started to scratch the surface in learning to rest in my role as a mother.
In my opinion, motherhood, and parenthood in general, is the most selfless role you play in life. Most of your dreams, wants, needs, expectations, and basic self-care are put on the back burner, especially while the child is young. You no longer come first. You no longer have the ability to roll out to a weekend movie or meet friends for dinner or take a nap or even pee by yourself. Your “me time” is over for a while, and there is nothing impromptu about life. My dreams of living on the mission field and making an impact for Jesus felt long gone.
Motherhood is also multi-faceted, especially as they get older. You have to hone your abilities to cook, clean, teach, play, love, discipline, and lead spiritually among other things. And through all of this, you’re still a wife and don’t even get me started on those expectations! Ladies?!!
There are times I look at Keith after spending a long day with children, dishes, and laundry and say to him: “I was made for more than this!” But as I continue to come out of the very demanding baby stage, I’m starting to realize there are beautiful moments that are waiting for me and Keith in the future; moments when our sons will make us proud or make us laugh; moments when they will speak their own mind and convictions from the heart; moments when they will grow closer to Jesus; moments when they will graduate and get married; moments when I’ll hold my first grandchild in my arms and think to myself “I did it! We did it!”
Sometimes you just have to say and believe things by faith. Today when I was bringing home the groceries, unloading them, feeding the dog, cleaning the stovetop, and listening to the chatter inside of my head, I kept reminding myself of the words my husband had prayed over me, and I kept telling myself that this day had meaning. What I was doing in this moment had meaning. Not because I would be praised or recognized for it, but because it was leading to a future, my children’s future, and their children’s future.
The bottom line for me is that motherhood is serving and even though the gift of serving was literally at the very bottom of my spiritual gifts after taking a multitude of spiritual gifts tests, it doesn’t mean I’m not supposed to grow and develop skills for this role, so I want to thank all of the women who have spoken into my life and who are currently speaking into my life and giving me much needed advice, and a special thank you to my husband who said a much needed prayer this morning!