This role does not come naturally for me, which is probably why I haven’t been able to rest in it. If I was honest I’d say I’ve messed up as a wife more than I’ve succeeded, but I am fully convinced this is the role God will use for the rest of my life to grow me into His Son’s likeness. I’m not sure where I heard this, but I liked it! “Marriage is not meant to make you happy. It’s meant to make you holy.”
Keith has been a true gift from God to me. He’s as steady as they come. He has become the family I’ve always longed for. He’s quiet and kind and respectful; qualities I struggle with at times. He’s not a fighter. He is the calm in my storm. Once, after describing Keith to a friend, she quoted the saying “still waters run deep.” I’ve never forgotten that. There are times I think about what my life would be like if I actually let Keith lead and learned to rest in my role as a wife. I imagine it would be more peaceful.
It is no secret that I have the dominate personality in this marriage. I am the Martha to his Mary. (Luke 10:38-42) I’m detail oriented, a control freak, and “I’m totally flexible as long as everything is exactly the way I want it.” There is a reason my middle initial is A. I am a fighter. I’m strong willed, opinionated, loud, and passionate! Because of these awesome and not so awesome traits, I’ve struggled tremendously with the following: “For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.”
Don’t get me wrong. I am devoted to my husband and kids. Every decision I make has them in mind. I’ve loved Keith the best I know how, but I know there is more. There is a beauty I still haven’t experienced in my relationship with him. I absolutely believe I can hear from God and have my opinions, but I’m sure there is a way to convey those ideas in my marriage without being disrespectful. Keith is a thinker and he is not going to speak first then think. He is going to pray and process the situation before reacting. I should take notes! When there is a hot topic in our life, or a big decision to be made, or a talk we need to have with a friend or family member; I think the most important questions I need to ask myself are: Have I prayed about it? Am I listening to Keith’s wisdom before reacting? Am I letting him hear from God too?
The issue is trust. Do I trust that Keith also hears from God and is led by the Holy Spirit? Can I relax in the fact that Keith has my best interest in mind, but ultimately my Heavenly Father does as well?
If you have learned over time to rest in your role as wife, I would love your thoughts on this topic! Titus 2:1-3 says: “You, however, must teach what is appropriate to sound doctrine. Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance. Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.” I’m praying for older (or more mature) women to teach me how to embrace this role of wife and learn to respect the man that God so graciously sent my way!