I’ve always thought about having a blog, but I wanted a true purpose for one. I asked God several times to reveal a name for it when He was ready. I never heard anything… until recently.
April 14, 2016: Keith and I finally got an hour all to ourselves! David was at preschool, and we dropped Jonathan off at the YMCA child watch so we could go on a walk. We desperately needed this time to process life together! Our processing usually looks like me talking (a lot) and Keith mostly listening and nodding his head in agreement. I did stay silent for about 50 (painful) seconds to see how long it took for him to initiate a conversation. I guess he could see the internal struggle I was having and finally mentioned something about a yard we were passing. We discussed our house plans, our busy weekend ahead, and David’s upcoming Kindergarten year.
I’ve struggled with the question of David’s schooling for a couple of years now. I was a teacher in my previous life, so that added to my wavering. School or Homeschool? Public school or Christian school? Teach again or stay home? As Keith and I talked, it was clear we both still wanted me to stay home, especially since Jonathan is only 2. It was also clear we were leaning towards Christian school. He talked through the financials explaining that we most likely would not be able to send Jonathan to preschool since the tuition for David would replace the preschool tuition we are paying now. As I processed what he was saying I felt some epiphany action happening in my brain and heart. Why have I fought so hard against God’s current role for me? Why haven’t I been able to let myself be happy being a wife and mom full time? Why have I felt guilty for not working? Why have I thought I needed more titles to feel important?
In that moment I felt free. My son could go to a school that teaches from a Biblical worldview (one of my heart’s desires) and I could still stay home for now and concentrate on raising my boys without the added pressure of work. I could rest in this season and actually enjoy it! My solidifying statement to Keith was: “If I could just rest in my role then I could be happy in the season of life we’re in.” And the phrase “rest in your role” kept repeating and I knew God had spoken!